Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
