you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
