Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
