so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
