and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
