She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
