so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
