we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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