Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
