i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
