We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
