I hate your face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
