the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
