I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
