Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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