I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
