The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
