I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize