lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
