I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
