her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
