i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
