Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
