the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
