id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
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