I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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