Me too!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
