I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
