I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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