I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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