I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
