I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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