How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
