so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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