Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
