Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
