My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
