did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
