My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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