She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize