Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a search helicopter?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
