dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
