You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
