Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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