I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
