Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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