i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
