Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
