I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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