What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
