God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
