wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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