worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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