My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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