best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
